Today I cam across an old email thread between a friend and I in which we weren't seeing eye to eye, and I remembered when I last read it, I was embarrassed to read it. Now I read it and realize how I have grown. My heart is open, and, though I am now just beginning to realize how important that is (in my visceral experience), I am keeping it open, no matter how painful something is. Granted, I have been doing some longer meditations lately, so my sense of peace, well-being, and centeredness in Love is much more apparent. However I want to make a point starkly vivid right now:
Many times I resist the call of my heart for fear of embarrassment. In other words, I make the 'other' person's opinion of me more important than the call of unity within. At the time the thread between me and my friend was written, I could not understand that my friend loved (and loves) me, I only saw that I was vulnerable in my friend's presence and wanted to protect myself from embarrassment. But this was impossible as I could feel my friend could see me inside and out, so I made this person superior to myself in my mind. Now I'm beginning to understand that the Love in my own heart is the ruler of my life, not other people, and every relationship must bow before the King in order to be truly successful.
Again in reading the thread today, my friend wrote something that tingled in my soul: 'Stop resisting and acknowledge the Beauty.' I didn't really know what that meant back then, but I think now I'm starting to get it.
I used to make understanding a race, until I realized my life flows at its own pace. I honor my experience wholeheartedly and forever, and I want that to be reflected in my relationships in exactly the same fashion. I love you all.
Gabriel Goldiamond
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