I used to write off energies or experiences that I thought would make me spiritually impure (goddang Moon in Virgo). But a series of recent experiences showed me that if I hadn't gone through those experiences, I wouldn't be mad e strong for the next challenge. I never full understood the value of experience in my life until that point, until I decided to Love myself. My whole life, for my delicate Moon Child Consciousness, was one psychological trauma after another, so I wasn't even afforded the privilege of valuing my experiences. I wasn't taught to Love myself, just the opposite.
I'm sure most of you can vibe with what I'm saying. My point for sharing all this is that one's traumas can keep on in a state of protectiveness, even from necessary experiences through which we can integrate our challenges and become a new version of ourselves that is ready for the next challenge.
I didn't know how to value challenge. The cloud of repressed psychological traumas makes you flee from the slightest sensing of it. It was only when a good friend showed me a very strong kind of Love that I did begin to believe new things were possible. I imbibed his lesson and began to do it for myself.
All of a sudden, I began to have perspective on my life I've never had before. I saw my inner value. I saw that I wanted to share this value. I saw all the traumas I had been through as necessary for integration. I saw the integration as necessary for the next integration to get me closer to be the BEST VERSION OF MYSELF I could be--and that's an ever evolving thing.
I began to become more comfortable with the idea of evolution as a flowing process, and that I am at its mercy. I learned that being at its mercy isn't a bad thing, as long as you trust in God.
And finally, I learned to not give a **** about the process at all, because I don't own it, and it doesn't own me. It's just a happening that I'm experiencing as an individual consciousness. Just Love Love Love Love choose to Love, because it is my very Being. I am a bubbling cauldron of blissgasm, from beyond the field where Universes are born. I am that I am, and I am never made impure, but to the consciousness of duality. I am always pure consciousness, untainted by life, because life comes from ME. And I do my Sadhana to keep my memory.
I love you all,