Wednesday, August 21, 2013
I only get miserable when I don't get what I want, and my tired mind drifts to the easier, programmed negativity. Seriously, that's the only time. Notice I didn't say "I only get miserable when I don't get what I want"--period. Sure, I get irritated, frustrated, even a little angry, but I never become miserable. That part comes when I am tired and go back to the negativity I was programmed to believe about myself for much of my life. I've been up an down for the past few days, apparently undergoing an internal change, getting rid of everything that doesn't serve me psychologically so I am free to receive the abundance I deserve in my life. I just watched After Earth last night and (it was actually a good movie, don't listen to the critics) it woke me back up to the fact that my life is what I choose to say it is. Will Smith's character says at some point in the movie "We all have a story we are telling ourselves," basically ending the idea with 'create your own story'. Also the ubiquitous "Fear is a choice" rang in my head too. It brought me back from the depths of despair. In this pursuit of greater spiritual and material wealth, it can be hard to stay focused on what's important--namely, being the master of your own destiny--but it's all I really have. Sometimes I think about the way I am living my life, and how my family would comment on the way I'm living, and that is what leads to negative thoughts and feeling miserable. Sometimes I get caught in that energy and don't trust myself to choose what is next. Many times, I don't know what's next, and so I pause. That's when I have to have faith in God, but I don't always catch the breadcrumb to the next stage of my life. Sometimes I have to make decisions that don't follow what I've been told, because even though I want to do what God asks of me, I can't see how I can. So the true test is one of faith. I'm keeping balance between what I want to do and what I'm capable of doing right now. I'm keeping balance between activity and rest. I'm keeping balance between solitude and being social. Wow, it is crazy how much has to be 'balanced'! It drives me crazy sometimes, because I think to myself "When do I get a break? When do I get to relax and enjoy?" Life is a trip, but it's an awesome one. The point is, if you have something that you want with your heart, it is a worthwhile goal. Don't pay attention to any other system of thought that says you can't do it. It's not up to your family, your friends, or even authority figures to tell you how to live your life. It is only up to YOU. What story are you telling yourself? Perhaps it's time to write a new one. Excelsior, G.A.B.E.